Two can play at this game

A group called SLAP (Survivors of Liturgical Abuse in Parishes) decided to post a cranky song parody to the tune of the hymn Gather Us In.

Gather Us In [...to the tune of, that is!]

Here in this place, our comfortable parish,
All of the statues carried away,
See in each face a vacuous visage,
Brought here by guilt or by R.C.I.A.

Gather us in, by Beemer or Hummer,
Gather us in, so we can feel good,
Come to us now in this barren Zen temple,
With only a shrub and an altar of wood.

We are the young, our morals a mystery,
We are the old, who couldn’t care less,
We have been warned throughout all of history,
But we enjoy this liturgical mess.


Gather us in, our radical pastor,
Gather us in, our unveiled nun,
Call to us now, with guitars and bongos,
Hang up your cellphones and join in the fun!

OK, now I don't agree with most of the above, but it did give me a chuckle. In the comments section of this blog a reader added:

Here we will take some wine and some water,
Whether it changes, we really don’t care.
But when the Sign of Peace comes, our pastor,
Jumps from the altar and hugs like a bear.

Gather us in, uncatechized masses,
Gather us in, the liberal elite,
Help us to form our personal Credo,
Give us a choice between white bread and wheat.

OK the "hug like a bear" comment made me snort milk out my nose.

Sue me.

But as you know, dear readers, I'm not bad at the whole song parody thing too.

To the tune of "O Sacred Head Surrounded" (Which I won't point out also fits into the tune of The Yellow Rose of Texas)

It's boring in my parish
And the organist can't sing
My pastor preaches anger
There is no joy to bring

I wonder why he's cranky
And he yelled at my blue jeans
Yet, he's also kind of creepy
When 'ere he's around teens

The poor are shooed away here
From off the parish steps
The statues anticeptic
Devoid of life or breath

The preaching's bland and simple
Not challenging at all
We wonder why young people
Have failed to hear God's call?