Praying for the Gift of Tears

Sometimes others know us better than we know ourselves and while this week, which is my last week at BustedHalo®, will recall much laughter and happiness in celebrating nine years, I know it will also bring many happy and sad tears.

I think that at least one of my friends sensed that and therefore, I received this note via facebook from one of my best friends from college, Joonmo which he received from his pastor.

Some months ago I had a conversation with a lady who was experiencing considerable distress and who was adding to her problems by expressing total frustration with her tears. I don't know if she will see this. I came across it in a beautiful book by Fr. Edward Hays; a book on prayer which includes the following in a chapter called The Prayer of Tears.

"Our Eyes are not only the windows of the soul and organs of enjoyment, they are also the instruments of joy and sorrow. While we feel deeply, the pain of departure, or the intense experience of other emotions, these are not easily shown. Our eyes are sacraments for these beautiful and deeply felt feelings. Even our tears become a way for us to "pray all ways."

"Tears and laughter are universal languages, for they are understood by people of every nation. Crying is part of our basic birth equipment and so is a gift from God. While it's embarrassing, it is also an honest and an incarnational or bodily prayer that reaches the ear and heart of God."

The Prayer of Tears
Lord, Beloved God
since all communion with You is prayer, may even my tears be
psalms of petition and canticles of praise to You.
This is a prayer that You value greatly: the prayer of my tears;
it is a prayer that you always hear, for, You are a compassionate and kind God.
And, Lord, I know you understand - that when I am overcome by
tears - unable to speak or form a prayer - that these very tears voice volumes of verses.
All truly great prayer - rises from deep inside and springs spontaneously to the surface.
It would then seem - that from among the many beautiful prayers,
the scared songs and canticles of praise, my tears my be the best worship of all.
Help me not to be ashamed of them; show me how I can let go of control and
let this prayer of my heart, my tears, flow naturally and freely to You
my Blessed Lord and Divine Lover. In times of joy and sorrow, blessed be my tears,
the Holy prayer of my heart. Amen.


These are thoughts for reflection.
"The heart is the happiest when it beats for others."
"You can accomplish more in one hour with God than one lifetime without Him."
"Jesus is a friend who walks in when the world has walked out."

With love in Christ,
Father Paul J. Henry

Indeed this, as many of those close to me know, describes me and my prayer perfectly. When I am touched by the spirit, I begin to cry and I really don't know why it happens but it does. As a man, it used to be somewhat embarrassing to me, but since I couldn't help or control it, I didn't quite know how to stop doing it--and moreover, didn't know if I should try to stop doing it or hiding my tears.

Some people grew uncomfortable with my tears, shifting in their seats, looking away, or even laughing at bit. Most people though, grew more open-hearted. They seemed to resonate with me most when these genuine tears would flow in prayer or in sharing how God is alive in my life. I indeed noticed that when I just allowed myself to be touched by God's spirit and even explained what was happening, people seemed to be comfortable with what was happening to me.

Besides these beautiful words given to us today by Joonmo's pastor, St Ignatius talks about "the gift of tears." In fact, Ignatius tells us that we should pray for this great gift, of having our hearts moved so much by God that we are moved to tears.

The great basketball coach, Jim Valvano, in his famous speech at the ESPY Awards in 1993 said there are three things we should all do each day, think, laugh and cry. His speech is always worth re-hearing and so, here it is. It's about 10 minutes but it's time well spent:



And pray each day to be as blessed as all of us who receive the gift of tears.

Ruth and Naomi

Today's First Reading was the reading that my wife and I chose to be the first reading at our wedding because it is all about the commitment that many times can change a dreadful situation into one of joy. It is always commitment that leads us into happiness even though the initially may be tough times ahead. Looking back, we always can note growth and maturity. We see where we have gotten closer with someone else and what we were called to share with one another.

I often picture myself imaginatively in this reading as one of the characters who really isn't in the story as a principle player. I picture myself first as being one of the dead husbands, now long gone from earth but watching over his family, still concerned and somewhat helpless at their plight. I often think that I would run to God and beg him to do something for my family. And when I do, God lends his sympathetic ear and reminds me that we do not need such miracles. That the real miracle always comes with committing one's self to the cause of another. Imagine my surprise as a I watch my daughter-in-law, Ruth, be that miracle for Naomi! Tears stream down my heavenly face as I watch the care and gingerly way that this Moabite woman, a woman not of my own blood, but who assuredly is family, take my wife into her care when neither I nor my sons can any longer. Heaven was even no relief for this suffering of concern that Ruth has lifted from me.

Jesus later calls us to hear the two great commandments. When asked which of the commandments is the greatest, Jesus takes one from Deuteronomy 6:5 as someone who knows scripture well. But this is a commandment that most people knew very well and adhered too and there would be much agreement about this being the greatest.

However, Jesus as is his way turns it all upside down by quoting a lesser-known passage in Leviticus 19:18. "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

We need this vertical relationship between us and God but we also need the horizontal relationship with others too. We can picture these relationships as two beams of the cross and we know that when we are in right relationship with God and one another that it also means that we will experience some suffering. Like Ruth who was in misery, we often find ourselves strapped down and alone. It is often another's love, someone who loves us more than we ever imagined we could be loved that sustains us. They love us as they wish to be loved and more importantly they love as God loves.

Today may I be grateful for all the Ruth-like people in my life. The people who have cared for those that I have been unable to care for myself for reasons often beyond my control. But also, let me see the challenge in being Ruth too. Let me be unafraid to go to that place where I know discomfort will be, at least for awhile and let me stay committed to those with whom I am in relationship. To love my neighbor, as I love myself.

The Economy Opportunity: Spiritual Discernment

In my own Ignatian discernment workshops I say this all the time--but Phil Fox Rose says it even better on Busted Halo

Nancy’s whole career has been in pharmaceutical communications. After watching round after round of layoffs at her firm over the past two years, her ticket finally came up in February. She went from a high level, lucrative management position to unemployment overnight. Stories like this are playing out across the country by the thousands. Good skilled workers lose their jobs and find strong competition for lesser positions. Seemingly secure financial futures based on real estate and stock investments disappear overnight, leaving uncertainty and worry.

But listen to Nancy:

“Ironically, this may be one of the greatest gifts I have received in my life — not because unemployment is a gift but because this gave me a forced opportunity to evaluate where I am in my life and if I want to continue on this path. In fact, I had been increasingly stressed out by and unhappy with my job for some time.”

Is it just blowing self-help smoke to say this was a good thing? Is Nancy just some crazy exception? Not in my experience.

Losing a job can be a shattering loss of identity and purpose,
or it can be an opportunity to assess your true calling and look for a better fit.

Agreed. Not being happy in radio made me discern what I really wanted and I ended up getting something that really expressed who I am even better then I imagined.

Living Ignatian: God in the Crossroads (Part 3)

Hear about the founding of Busted Halo. And how it helped me find my place in the world. This is a third of a 10 part series.